


I Don't Like The Way Forever Looks Without You

by Swlfangirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Asexual Castiel, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Fluffy Ending, HelpfulSam, M/M, Romantic Dean, Tiny bits of Angst, literally not very much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:57:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2464130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swlfangirl/pseuds/Swlfangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is head over heels for his gorgeous blue eyed friend, and it seems like Cas feels the same way... but something is holding him back. Acefic written for my gorgeous, amazing, wonderful gal @tamnation</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Like The Way Forever Looks Without You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tamnation](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamnation/gifts).



The first time Dean saw him it was because he’d nearly tripped over the raggedy black messenger bag spread out across the hallway floor. His cleat had gotten caught in it and it was borderline comical the way he had to catch himself to keep from face planting into the guy. When he looked up and saw those gorgeous blue eyes staring back at him, he felt like time slowed down, or hell, maybe it even stopped. Dean recovered the usual way, a cocky grin and an extremely cheesy pickup line. “Looks like I’m already falling for you.” 

Dean still laughs when he thinks about how Cas responded, turning his head to the side and giving him this adorable shy kitten impression. “I suggest you find better footwear, with no one to catch you.

Anyone else and Dean would have felt insulted, but something about the way the words left Castiel’s mouth it was more informative, than dismissive. He could tell that it wasn’t malicious or hurtful, just that he honestly thought it was a good idea for Dean to wear better shoes. It still caused a fond tightness in his chest when he gave into his memory, letting it drag him back to that day. It had been three years since he caught the first glimpse of wild crazy sex hair and cobalt blue eyes, and he wouldn’t trade a single second of it.

They didn’t stay strangers long, Dean unwilling to give up on the idea of learning more about Cas like he was some unsolved mystery that needed decoding. Cas, unable to avoid Dean’s persistent nature for too long. They began hanging out, mostly on the weekends because Castiel’s parents were very strict during the school week, but left on business nearly every friday morning. Dean was free and clear to do what he pleased for the most part, his dad rarely checking in and even when he did it wasn’t for more than a few hours of sleep. 

It was an average Friday afternoon, no not average, better than that. Dean had finally convinced Cas to skip the last class with him to marathon old movies on his parent’s big screen. He’d scrounged through the Adler’s cabinets and finally found some snacks that weren't fresh from the garden or whatever. It was a small box of microwave popcorn, he didn’t even know how long it had been there.. but it looked pretty well hidden.  
He grabbed a bag out, nuked it, and poured it in a bowl as Cas got the movie ready. 

They were about halfway through Raiders of the Lost Ark when Dean felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Castiel more nervous than he’d ever seen the guy, and that was saying something. He patted his friend on the shoulder, trying to reassure him that no matter what everything was gonna be okay.

“Dean, do you, I mean...would you call this a date?” Castiel asked, timidly. 

“Well it doesn’t have to be if that’s what’s freakin you out man. I mean don’t get me wrong. Cas I really like you, but I’m not going anywhere if you just wanna be friends.” Dean chirped, his practiced return for rejection from Cas. He’d been fearing it for a long time, and he’d actually started to hope it would never come.

“That’s not it exactly, I just .. I think I should warn you.” Castiel bit his lip, and Dean tried not to feel the flutter of anxious excitement flow through him. Whatever was going on was big, he knew that much, but it also felt really nice to not be outright rejected.

“Okay, warn me about… what?” Dean normally would have made some sort of half-assed joke but he could tell Castiel’s nerves weren’t in a particularly funny mood. So instead, he took it seriously, despite the fact that his own anxiety was rising to an all time high. 

“Dean, you should know that I’m Asexual, and that I’m not at all interested in sex. I care about you, I care about you a lot actually. I’ve never really wanted a relationship before either, so it’s not been much of an issue. But, I thought I should warn you before we take things any further than just friends. It’s not something that’s going to change, it’s not a phase I’m going through, and it’s not going to be easy for you.” Castiel’s voice was much more firm and solid toward the end. Dean could clearly see that identifying himself was intimidating, but once he’d done it, it seemed to only strengthen his resolve.

His head was swirling, he’d wanted Cas for so long that it had started a small ache inside him that couldn’t be treated. He wasn’t some sort of nymphomaniac but the idea of givin’ sex up indefinitely, and possibly for the rest of his damn life was a little overwhelming. “Can, uh.. can I think about it for a little while? I mean don’t get me wrong I want more, I think I’ve always wanted more, but ..that’s not really something you hear every day so it might take a little bit for me to wrap my head around it.. is that cool?”

“Of course, Dean. This isn’t something you should enter into lightly. I’m well aware of the toll it could take on someone who isn’t like me. I’ve thought about it for a while, probably longer than you’d believe. Take whatever time you need, and I’ll be here when you’re ready to make a choice.” The support and encouragement in his friend’s voice was nearly enough to make him regret ever having to think about it, but Cas wasn’t the kind of thing Dean thought could be short lived. He wasn’t as disposable as most of the other people he’d gone out with. So he kept his mouth shut, and refocused his attention on the movie. 

They sat quietly throughout the rest of the film, each lost in their own mind and completely unaware of what was happening on the screen. When the credits rolled, Castiel smiled and told Dean it was fine if he wanted to go home for a while, even though their traditions usually involved weekend sleepovers just hanging out. Dean nodded his head, agreeing that it was probably for the best, and took off. 

When he got home, Sam had his homework spread out all over the kitchen table. He looked a little surprised to see Dean home so soon, but let it go easily enough. Well, at least until he paced back and forth against the kitchen tiles. Dean didn’t know what to say, or what to do, or anything about what was going on with Cas, all he could think was “no more sex.” It was easy enough at first to avoid, I mean hell he could wait as long as Cas wanted to wait.. but the idea of there never being a day where he got to experience that pleasure, that intimacy...was staggering. 

“Dude, what’s going on with you?” Sam asked, huffing slightly as he threw his pencil down, clearly unable to concentrate. 

“I, uh.. I dunno, nothin nevermind.. it’s fine, everything’s fine.” Dean muttered, mostly to himself but Sam could easily heard him. Sam’s head pulled back in realization that it was actually something serious and not Dean’s typical.. I’ve got a problem that’s not really a problem kinda thing. 

“Dean,” was all he needed to say, his brother knowing that he meant business by the way he folded his arms across his chest.

“I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to tell you, or if it’s something he has to tell you, or if no one should tell you, it’s not like you really wanna know or anything. I’m sure you’d probably be fine not ever thinking about it honestly,” Dean rambled, unable to control the words coming out of his mouth. 

“DEAN! Just tell me,” Sam offered, knowing that whatever it was, wasn’t going to do anyone any good if he kept it all bottled up.

“Cas told me, he said that he was asexual.” Dean took a moment, thinking Sam would need the same time to process the information, he was wrong.

“and….” Sam added, with a confused look on his face.

“Well that’s just it Sammy, I don’t know man, I’m not sure I can give up sex for the rest of my life. What should I do?” Dean looked terrified, like the whole world was ending and he was the center of it all. 

“Dean, you do realize that you kind of just answered your own question.. right?” Sam gave him this weird goofy smile like he had all the answers to the universe and Dean was just too stupid to see them. He jerked his head back, obviously confused because he was smart, sure but he wasn’t a mind reader.

“What? What do you mean I answered it? You’re not even making any sense,” Dean asked, begging for answers. Sam just smirked even wider and shook his head. 

“Dean, you just said you weren’t sure if you could go without sex for the rest of your life, man. I’m pretty sure, that for you, that’s as good as a marriage proposal The fact that you even think this could impact your entire future, is significant. Dean, there was not even a hint of hesitation in your voice when you said it, as if you knew being with Cas meant being with him forever. I think that’s a pretty good sign that you’ll figure it out.” Sam gave Dean a sincere look and waited for him to catch up.

It took a little longer than it should have but he had to give his brother credit, he’d never once imagined a scenario in which they wouldn’t last. That had to mean something right? He chewed on his lip a little as he thought about what his life would be like, never moving things forward with Cas and that’s when it hit him. There would never be anyone else for him, so it was either; have the relationship with Cas that he’d always dreamed of and become bff’s with his right hand, or he could have meaningless sex and one night stands with people he would never care about. The choice was easy. 

Dean jumped into the driver’s seat of his Impala and took off, pushing the pedal all the way to the floor as he closed the gap between their houses. He’d never been more thankful that the route was short, and unwinding. In most cases of important moments in his life; like the one where he’d met Cas, everything seemed to slow down. It wasn’t this time. The clock was flying by with the scenery, and it felt like it was going to run out at any second. He pulled into the driveway, and quickly put the car in park. With a jerk of his wrist he flicked off the engine and jumped out. He slammed his door shut in his excitement, making a mental apology to his baby before running up the steps. His fist beat hard against the wooden frame, unable to hold back any longer.

When the door finally opened, his first instinct was to latch onto his lips and never let go. Dean stopped himself, wanting to let Castiel dictate what happened between them. Instead he’d have to make do with words. “I know it probably seems like I haven’t had much time to think about things, but as it turns out I don’t need much.”

Castiel’s face drooped, it was clear that his first thought was negative and it nearly ate Dean up inside. “I see.”

“Hey now, listen I wasn’t finished. I didn’t need much time because the idea of giving up on what we could have was enough for me to know. I don’t want to spend my life sleeping with random people I don’t care about, and I know that’s what would happen because there will never be room for someone else in my heart.” Dean moved just a little closer, locking onto the gorgeous blue eyes that had been his downfall from the beginning. 

“I love you Cas, and I don’t like the way forever looks without you.” Dean barely got the words out before he had an armful of Cas, and a bright smile beaming on his face. They hugged for what felt like forever and he decided that it was more than worth the amount of cold showers and self-help he’d need to get used to. He had the love of his life in his arms and he wasn’t planning on giving that up. 

“I love you too.” Cas whispered against his ear before tugging Dean inside the house to finish out their normal weekend routine. They fell asleep cuddled up on the couch together watching movies, both smiling against the comfort they found between them.


End file.
